Lightning
by Wizzluv
Summary: The paladins land on a planet where a root that reflects internal, emotional wounds as physical ones. Cue up Langst.


Lance stepped into the castle bathroom to wash his hands before getting a snack in the kitchen. As he went to grab alien soap, his unfamiliar face in the mirror caught his attention. Scars and cuts Lance had never seen before stared back at him. There was something uneasy about these markings; he felt like he knew them.

Lance wondered if there were more, so he stripped and stood naked in front of the space mirror. Although never before in this form, Lance knew all of these wounds personally. Yet, it still surprised him how many appeared on his body. He had never counted his internal pains.

Small cuts scatter over Lance's shins, and past the knee, the small cuts turn into rough scabs along his thighs. His stomach felt like rocks were pushing to escape his skin. His heartfelt achy and tight. Bruises kiss along his arms and nestle on his biceps. Jagged, uneven, scars like lightning wrapped themselves around Lance's neck. His lips were cut, and a scar traveled from the far edge of Lance's left eyebrow to the tip of his nose.

Lance runs his fingers over the scarred skin in a fruitless attempt to sew up the damage they represented. He knows, he knows all of this is in his head. He knows if he just opened up and talked about his insecurities...

No. The team didn't have time for that. Voltron didn't have time for that. The universe didn't have time fo that. Lance knows that, in fact, he knows it better than anyone. He knows there are problems he can't understand.

He knows about the stress Keith carries. The strain Pidge nurtures. The nightmares Shiro raises. The anxiety Hunk allows to passenger. The pressure Allura maintains. The care Coran exhausts. Everyone has their own shit, so why add his problems into the mix?

Because he knows, logically, that Pidge doesn't actually think he's worthless. She just lashes out. Shiro brushes him off sometimes because he is busy. That's totally understandable. Allura has a military mind and his goofiness isn't productive in those moments. If she ignores Lance outside of training as well… Well, that's on him for making her think he can't get serious, right? Whether or not he deserves to be treated that way doesn't matter either. None of them have a personal vendetta against him, and none of them wish he weren't the blue paladin.

But sometimes, at night when he can't sleep, or when the wound is fresh, Lance can't help but think too hard. Shiro doesn't ask his opinion because Shiro doesn't respect him. Keith hardly knows who he is. That must be because Lance is unmemorable: average, mediocre. Hunk is drifting toward Pidge. Hunk is drifting toward Pidge because Lance is annoying and useless. Lance is only a part of the team because Blue chose him, and Blue must have made a mistake. Every time he opens his mouth he must be saying something stupid because people seldom listen to him.

Lance doesn't realize that as he is reflecting on his pain, a deep wound is opening diagonally above his pelvis. Slowly, tantalizingly, like a dull knife, it roughly cuts along his skin. Lance only looks down when he hears his blood drop on the cold, Altean surface. Even though Lance doesn't want anyone to see his scars, he understands that his open wound is a more pressing matter. Lance calmly puts on his space boxes and walks out to find Coran.

As he walks along the echoing hallways he spots the paladins and Alteans meandering in the kitchen. They were probably going to invite him any minute. Lance opens his mouth. Or maybe they didn't want him there at all. The scars around his neck burn up and all Lance can manage is a groan before he stumbles into the kitchen.

"And the biodiversity of the plants on that planet was amazing. I was thinking, what if I could use those plants in Green, wouldn't that- Lance? LANCE! Ohmygod someone help him!"

Shiro and Hunk rush to the Cuban boy's weak body. Shiro exclaims, "Lance has been cut!" Hunk replies, "From what?! The cut seems to be making itself- oh that's a lot of blood. That's too much blood!" Coran says, "Bring him to the cryo pods- hurry before the wound opens more!" As the three of them carry Lance to the cryo pods, Allura and Keith stand in shock while Pidge frantically cries.

Keith thinks, where did all of these scars come from? Keith knew Lance didn't have those scars yesterday. Was this some kind of magic? Will the wound heal? What even is the open wound on Lance? Allura has a similar train of thought, but Pidge is too distraught to think clearly. Allura snaps out of her disbelief and goes to comfort Pidge.

Coran, Shiro, and Hunk return to the kitchen with an uneasy amount of blood on their hands and clothes. Coran doesn't waste a second as he immediately goes to test some of Lane's blood. Coran knew the mandala root's properties and that it is a common dish among the people of the planet they had just landed on. He didn't want to believe that all of those scars came from the root. He had never seen so many fresh wounds from that root.

A few tests later and Coran's suspicious were confirmed. Coran began to brew up an antidote and explained to his confused teammates what happened to Lance and what the root does. He was met with confused faces. The wounds were so fresh- how much emotional pain had Lance been going through?

Coran injected the antidote into Lance. The team gathered in front of Lance waiting for him to emerge. They gathered pillows and blankets and held each other in worry for Lance. After a few hours, the cryo pod opened and Lance fell out. The scars from the root were still healing, so Lance tried to cover his marked skin.

Hunk gently pried Lance's hands away from his chest. Lance shamefully looked at the ground. After a few moments of silence, Hunk held Lance's hands and said, "Coran told us that a root you ate reflects emotional pain as physical."

Lance further curled in on himself but allowed himself to look at the other's faces. The worry displayed on all of his teammates' faces encouraged him to open up.

"... I know I'm not the best paladin. I feel like I'm the seventh wheel- it's a terrible wheel to be. I feel like I'm a nuisance and that I'm constantly annoying people. I feel like people are always blowing me off. And I know I should just get over it. I know it sounds stupid and like cliche teenage angst, but it can get overwhelming. Even if logic says you all care about me... sometimes I think too much, I start to believe I'm worthless."

Lance didn't look up so he didn't see the guilt and care in everyone's face. Shiro, as the leader, starts by saying, "Lance, I hope you believe us when we say we care about you. I wouldn't want anyone else being the blue paladin" Hunk cuts in by saying, "or my best friend." Shiro continues, "We all love you and you are not a burden to us. Your problems and issues, no matter how small you think they are, are legitimate and real. Please stop minimizing your worth. We will always make time for you."

The rest of the team nods in the background Coran goes on to tell Lance how he views him like a son. Pidge calls Lance a big brother. Allura tells Lance that she feigns upset but really enjoys Lance's goofiness. Keith admits he never hated Lance. He didn't know how to approach him- his confidence, even if fabricated, was quite intimidating when they met.

Hunk finishes by saying, "We were all so worried. We all huddled around your cryo pod. You're my best friend, and this whole defending the universe might get in the way of chill time, but you never stopped being my number one."

Hunk gives him a bittersweet smile. Hunk knows he couldn't change Lance's mind if it didn't want to be changed. So instead of saying more words, Lance might push aside, Hunk pulls Lance into a big bear hug. Shortly after, Pidge hangs off of Lance's back. Then Keith holds Lance's hands and Shiro wraps his arms around Pidge and Lance. Allura hugs Lance from around Hunk, and Coran drapes himself over the pile of young, emotional, fighters.

Lance let the stiffness in his heart relax, and soon the rest of his body did the same. Lance didn't cry, he was too exhausted, instead he let himself succumb to the support of the family around him. Not a single part of his body touched the floor.

Even if he didn't believe them tomorrow, or if everyone forgot about him tomorrow, Lance felt safe. He felt loved, cherished, and like he mattered. Right now, Lance was okay, and right now, that's all that mattered.


End file.
